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Life As a Solitary Green Witch!

Calling in My Soulmate: I Went On a Hiking Date

A blurred photography picture of sticks, twigs, and tree branches in mother nature
I've been working on calling in my soulmate and recently, I went on a hiking date!  I decided to make this a new feature, since more and more, I've become open about my love life and what I'm looking for in a future husband.

First of all, I'm going to be as transparent as I can be here.  My hiking date was a good one.  I had a really good time, I saw some cool critters, and somewhere along the way, it felt like I was being interviewed for something that I was never going to get the job for.

The day after I wrote my blog post about love magic and the qualities I'm looking for in a man, a man came to my door and gave me his number.  I had spoken to him briefly because he came to fix the dryer in the apartment building I live in.  Apparently, he liked what he saw, thought I was a nice person, and gave me his number.

Well, the very next day was Thanksgiving.  I didn't contact him right away because, to be honest, I wasn't initially attracted to him.  However, I kept hearing this incessant buzzing in my ear from my spirit guides to contact him and give him a chance.

So, I did.  This started a weeklong text messaging session between us.  The guy was busy on Thanksgiving through the entire extended weekend to the point that I wasn't even sure he was interested in me anymore.

He did keep reassuring me though.  He kept checking in with me often, which is great because I need a lot of reassurance.  By Sunday, I had liquefied.  I had a meltdown because I honestly thought he was rejecting me and wished I had never given him a chance in the first place.

I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) so my reaction was way over the top.  I can't help it though.  It's an emotional spiral that I go down until I'm laying on the floor sobbing.  He, of course, never knew that I went through that or that I reacted that way.

We kept talking through text message and eventually, he asked me out on a date for hiking.  I mean, I was over the moon!

Underneath my bravado, I was feeling excruciating pain and vulnerability.  It's not like I could tell him that though.  How do you tell a guy you've just started dating that you have serious mental health issues?

I tried to keep my nerves calm before the date but something inside me kept warning me that he was going to hurt me.  At this point, I couldn't tell if it was my BPD or if it was my killer instincts as an empath kicking in.

Looking back, all throughout the week I was talking to him, there were red flags.  For example, he asked me about my job situation, and then never followed it up with wanting to know my blog URL.  I thought it was weird because that would have been the first thing I asked if someone told me they made a living as a blogger!

It didn't stop there though.  I kept feeling his hesitant energy.  I could even feel when he almost canceled our date.  Something just didn't feel right but I thought what the hell, I'll never know unless I try.

So, I put myself in harm's way.  I wanted to get out of my head and into my heart.  I wanted to give this guy a chance because I thought maybe he was different because he was healthy and I wasn't used to healthy relationships.

It turned out, I couldn't be more wrong.  He picked me up and admittedly, I was nervous and a little shy.  We both got over that pretty quickly.

He took me to two different parks.  At the first one, we saw Florida whitetail deer and alligators.  We even saw baby alligators.  It was a lot of fun!

At the second park, the fun continued.  There were a couple of points where the conversation lulled but I kept trying to ask him questions about his Florida civil war and Seminole living reenactments.

I tried to keep engaging with him and keep the conversation going.  There were a couple of quiet moments where we were in a beautiful natural setting alone where I thought he might kiss me.  He didn't.

I kept imagining that scene from, "The Little Mermaid" where all the creatures come out to sing to get Prince Eric to kiss the girl.  Yet, the guy never tried to hold my hand, compliment me, kiss me, or anything.

I chalked it up to nerves or maybe even shyness.  After we left the second park, he asked me to go to dinner at the sponge docks in Tarpon Springs with him.  Naturally, I said yes!

Then, it happened.  Since we were going to dinner, I felt I had to bring up the fact that I was vegetarian.  I did feel a little bad bringing it up at this point because they guy had prattled on about being a hunter and eating game.

I told him and his face turned red.  He didn't take it well.  I asked him if he was freaked out, based on his body language, and he said it was weird.

This floored me.  It's been a really long time since someone has reacted this way about me not eating meat.  It honestly made me feel really bad about myself, just for being different.

We both decided to keep going with the date and I will say, he was a perfect gentleman and did try to make me feel comfortable at the restaurant.  His body language was very open as he sat across from me and his pupils were dilated with shutter shock, meaning he wasn't blinking very much as he looked at me.

All of this told me he was highly attracted to me and that we were having a good date.  Somewhere in the middle of this date, my date changed his mind about me.  I'm wondering if he changed his mind when I told him I was a vegetarian.  I guess I'll never know.
A woodland symphony of colors, earth tones, woodland creatures, white flowers

Calling in My Soulmate: I Went On a Hiking Date

After dinner, we watched them light up the Christmas tree on the sponge docks in Tarpon Springs.  We talked about music and then he took me by a place called Saint Michael's, which is a shrine that he goes to sometimes when he's feeling lost.

After that, he extended the date again.  He took me to a neighborhood that was filled with Christmas lights.  Again, I was having a nice time with him and him extending the date, lead me on.

Then, he took me home and he didn't even walk me to the door.  He gave me an awkward hug and back pat, then left.  I literally was left flummoxed.

I remember calling my daughter up right away and she and my son in law reassured me that he was going to ask me out on a date again.  Something inside me kept screaming that he wasn't.  I kept saying that he didn't like me, after the way he abruptly ended our date.

Over a week later, I'm still hurt and confused.  He did text me after I prompted him to be clear with me if he wasn't interested anymore.  He told me he had a nice time with me but that there wasn't a romantic connection.

My question is, why?  Why keep a date going for 5-hours if you aren't feeling the person?  I'm so confused by it all that I may never date again.

I keep going over everything in my head obsessively, thinking maybe I did something wrong.  I just can't think of anything.  The only thing that comes to mind was the vegetarian thing.

It wasn't a dealbreaker for me but maybe it was for him.  I just don't understand keeping the date going and telling me personal stuff about yourself if you're not interested.

So, yes, I went on a hiking date.  I finally opened my heart chakra to give someone a chance and I got hurt again.

It's just one of those situations that I'm going to wonder about for the rest of my life.  It hurts and nothing about it makes sense.  Even the way he ended it was so abrupt.

He went from opening doors, paying for dinner, etcetera, to not even walking me up to the door when it was dark out.  I'm still going to keep calling in my soulmate but from now on, I'm going to be more cautious with my heart.  
Hi, I'm Laurali! I write about moon magic and seasonal shifts and all things faery. about me


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