Everyday Laurali Star

Life As a Solitary Green Witch!

What It's Like to Be An Empath With Borderline Personality Disorder

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To be perfectly honest, I really debated posting this article.  It's a fine line between what I want people to know about me publically and the issues that have come up in my life because of it.  With that being said, I've decided to take a deep breath and be vocal about what it's like to be an empath with Borderline Personality Disorder.

This article could be perceived as polarizing or controversial but to be clear, I really think that we have to destigmatize BPD.  I felt a lot of hesitancy in writing this for fear of what the public would think of me.

I am both a spiritual person who just happens to have borderline personality disorder.  Even as I write this, it's really difficult to say out loud or discuss because I've read so many misconceptions about having a personality disorder, especially one with this much stigma attached to it.

In spite of that, I felt strongly compelled to shed light on the subject.  This blog post isn't so much about the signs and symptoms of BPD as it is about what it's like to be an empath on an emotional rollercoaster ride with borderline.

I've made it a habit to talk openly on my blog about uncomfortable subjects such as what it's like to deal with suicidal depression and how nature is my therapy.  I've also spoken openly about my love life and the qualities I'm looking for in a husband.  As far as I'm concerned, nothing should really be off-limits as long as I'm okay with sharing and bringing awareness to the subject.

Let's talk about what it's like to be an empath first.  As an empath, I feel everything, meaning I have empathy for the people, animals, plants in the world around me.

Being empathic goes above and beyond that.  I can feel the energy of another person and sometimes it can be so intense that I can take on their energy as my own.  This is why anyone with psychic abilities knows how important it is to tend to your spiritual hygiene on a daily basis.

You can read more about what it's like to be a faerie shaman and reiki healer to explore the topic of being a spiritual teacher and healer further.  It's my understanding that psychic abilities such as being a psychic medium or tarot reader, often go hand-in-hand with other hidden talents and abilities.

Since I am an empath, this means I can feel everyone's pain and suffering, I can read auras and chakras, and I am able to feel my way around the world by tapping into energies.  Being an introverted empath also opens me up to being able to read people and knowing when people have ulterior motives or bad intentions.

However, I can also feel the spiritual energies of ghosts, dark entities, and spirit helpers too.  I can sense someone's presence before I ever see them.  I can feel when an angel is in my presence (which is pretty much all the time) and I can easily distinguish between the energies from one angel to another with ease and grace.

Being an empath is both a curse and a blessing.  When you add a personality disorder where you have mood dysregulation on top of that, it can be a full-blown emotional wreckage.  This is my everyday life.

I've been this way since the time I was very little, sensing things, picking up on energies and malevolent forces.  As any good empath will tell you, it can take a toll on you if you don't wear protection.

You can read about, How I Became a Faerie Shaman: Journey Into Healing in order to see what it's like to walk in my shoes.  Perhaps, you too may discover that you have some spiritual abilities of your own that you need to recognize.  It's more of a calling and a way of life than anything.

One of the things I do daily is practice spiritual hygiene.  I write letters to the universe with my morning coffee.  This involves calling on my spirit guides, my guardian angels, ascended masters, Jesus, or the goddess of my choice.

In my morning letter, I always ask for protection from the spirit helper that is guiding me that day.  This is very important.  I ask my angel or spirit guide to please heal, shield and protect me and my loved ones plus our pets and plants too.

Throughout the day, I have many shifting moods as someone with a borderline personality disorder.  Anytime I feel my mood shift from bad to worse, I call on Archangel Michael to protect me with his flaming sword.  You can read more about Archangel Michael here.

Michael transmutes any negativity and darkness into love and light.  I call him several times throughout the day and as I feel myself waking up in the morning.  I also ask him to stay with me and my beloved ones continuously.

One of the symptoms of having BPD is a constant array of suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation.  It's as if you are always keeping suicide in your back pocket because it sometimes feels like the only thing you have control over in your life.  When your mood and identity is constantly shifting like sand beneath your feet, suicide feels like a constant in your life.

When I feel suicidal I always turn to Archangel Michael, Mother Mary, and Jesus Christ the most.  I've always felt with the three of them combined they form their own holy trinity of miracle healing and recovery.  For more on Mother Mary and how to create a miracle, click here.

I've recently gotten to the point where I don't want suicide to be my go-to method for everything.  I want to take it out of my back pocket and throw it away forever.  Honestly, without Mary, Michael, and Jesus, I'm not sure I could do it alone.

So, I want to explain what it's like to have borderline personality disorder as an empath.  As an empath, you feel and take on other people's energies, including those in the spirit world.  As a BPD patient, you are a stormy sea of emotions every single day of your life.

You feel everything for others and you feel all of your pain acutely too.  As a BPD sufferer, I am also highly sensitive to rejection and abandonment at all times.  This leads to a lot of unstable relationships in my life.

I can feel when someone is mad at me and sometimes because I have so many emotions all going at once, it can be overwhelming.  It makes it difficult to make choices, to think clearly, and I can only focus on one or two things obsessively at a time.

Sometimes, I don't know if what I'm feeling is due to my BPD or my empath abilities in the form of intuition.  Some days it's really difficult to tell if it's you or me, so to speak.  I often turn to spirit for discernment.

Having empath for others on such an intense level then having such intense raw, bleeding, open wounds on an emotional level can be really detrimental to your mental health.  That's why it's important to ground myself daily.

It's like a constant tug of war between feeling empathy for others and taking on my own roiling sea of emotions on a daily basis.  The good news is that I am a work in progress.  Being depressed has helped me to feel a lot of sympathy for other people in the world.  I truly care about their plight.

To keep myself in check, I have to care about myself first.  I have to wear protection over my heart by wearing crystals in my bra and calling on spirit helpers to help me navigate the emotional landscape of my life.

So, being an empath with borderine personality disorder is both a blessing and a curse.  But, it's who I am, good and bad. 
Hi, I'm Laurali! I write about moon magic and seasonal shifts and all things faery. about me


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