Everyday Laurali Star

Life As a Solitary Green Witch!

Spring Magic: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift In My Life

Springtime in the Meadow in Hues of Pink and Naturals
Welcome to Spring Magic: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift in My Life!  Now that springtime has finally passed, I feel like I can collect my thoughts and talk about what's happened over my life in the past couple of months.

I think it's safe to say that I haven't been writing.  I went into hibernation, poked my head out of the cave once in a while, and somehow ended up someplace better.

As most of you know, I went into a spiritual retreat for mental health during the coronavirus pandemic and just never came back out.  I needed some time to myself, to reflect on things, and to see where I wanted to go next in my life.

By doing so, it feels like I'm becoming a brand-new person, and like the sun has come out again after a dark period in my life.  I never really talked about the dark night of the soul that I endured for nearly a decade, but now that the dark clouds have passed, I can finally breathe again.

If I were to describe this feeling, I would choose the sun card in the tarot deck.  The sun card comes out when the darkness has passed and the morning breaks the dawn.

It pops into a tarot reading when you've entered some kind of golden age of enlightenment within yourself.  It feels like the reward for all my hard work through the past decade of my life.

There have been two areas of my life where I haven't felt aligned in a long time.  One of them was blogging and the other is romantic love.

As much as I love expressing myself through my writing, there was something left to be desired that I couldn't figure out on my own.  There were so many times when I thought about quitting, where all I could do was surrender to the experience and follow my heart to a more passionate purpose.

I knew that in all my years of blogging, I never gave myself a pause for respite.  I never took a vacation.  I never really got the chance to choose the direction that I wanted to go next because for so long I was just trying to survive another day.

Naturally, when COVID-19 became a thing, I gave myself the spiritual retreat that I so desired.  I took the time to get to know myself again and started embracing my life for what it was.

What was my life?  If I'm being honest, my life was a tangled mess of emotions and feelings that were so overwhelming that I didn't know what to do with them.

Unfortunately, I've had to accept that means learning how to live with my disability.  I'm an empath with a borderline personality disorder.  I'm an entanglement of feelings and emotions that are sensitive and painful to the touch.

So, I finally decided to face my truth and I started keeping a diary.  There are just some things that are too personal to express on my blog and some thoughts that I'd rather keep to myself.

I downloaded the Journey app and I write in it almost every single day now.  I write whatever I'm feeling at that moment and it helps me to understand my complex feelings and emotions on a deeper level.

With BPD, I almost always have an FP (Favorite Person) and I am working toward trying not to have one.  It's almost impossible, but at the very least, I'm trying to turn myself into my favorite person.

Just writing about my private thoughts and feelings, especially in regard to my favorite person, really seems to help me a lot.  It's really helping me to understand myself better.

Like right now, for example, there's someone in my life that I really like and have feelings for, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet.  He was my FP, but with the help of Archangel Michael, I'm starting to take the road to moderation with my relationship feelings.

This is the first time I feel hopeful and optimistic about my love life.  I'm learning how to trust the universe and have noticed myself blossoming into a woman who is more comfortable in her own skin.

From the sun tarot card, we go into the star tarot card and how it keeps popping up in almost every love and business reading that I do.  That's another thing I've really been focusing on lately, practicing going another level deep in my tarot teachings.

The star card represents hope, optimism, and wishes coming true and that's exactly what seems to be happening in my life right now.  I find myself trusting the universe more and more, with things that have troubled me in the past.

I feel hope and renewal coming when it comes to my love and romantic life.  In some ways, I feel like I could see myself falling in love with this guy, as my heart chakra opens more and more.

In case you don't know, when you have BPD, romantic relationships can exasperate symptoms.  Therefore, for me to open up to somebody like this is a really big deal.

Like I said, I don't know where this will go and it's too soon for me to say.  All I can do is tell you what I'm feeling in my heart.  I feel like a level of comfort with him, I have never felt in my life.

Want to know a secret?  I believe he's my soulmate.  You can read more about what I was looking for in, Love Magic: The Qualities I'm Looking For In a Man.

It's no surprise that there was spring love in the air, even with the coronavirus pandemic.  Love is something that I've wanted all my life, sometimes even desperately.

One of the things I've learned through keeping a mental health diary is that I don't have to be so extreme in my thinking.  I have a tendency to have black and white thinking when it comes to relationships, kind of an all-or-nothing attitude.

Through my diary and the angels, I'm learning how to take the road to moderation.  This is very tricky for me, much like walking through a minefield, but at least I'm actively working on it.

The truth is that I fell back in love with myself this spring and when I did, my heart chakra opened up just enough to let the sunshine peek through.  This couldn't have happened if I hadn't taken some time for myself, away from the public eye.
Natural pink florals and blurred photography in the pines of a butterfly meadow overlooking a bubbling brook

Spring Magic: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift In My Life

How did I fall in love with myself again?  It wasn't easy and it didn't happen overnight.  My butterfly transformation has been a long, painful process.  Every time that I thought that I was ready to spread my wings and fly, I would go back into my cocoon and hibernate a little longer.

Here I stand before you with the sun shining on my face, freckled shoulders, and cotton dress touching my ankles ever so lightly.  Springtime helped me to awaken and face my darkness, to go within and do the shadow work with the full Scorpio moon, and to embrace my shadow work head-on.

For more on the full Scorpio moon and moon readings, head on over to my newsletter to signup!  I do intuitive moon readings, witchy holidays, and sacred rituals that ignite the spark within.

In some ways, it feels as though everything remains the same, while I am subtly different and good at subterfuge.  I am truly stepping into my power at this time.

That star tarot card keeps stalking me, which in turn gives me hope and light.  It's not only that hope springs eternal for my romantic love life but for my career and life path too.

I'd like to sit here and tell you that there is certainty in my business now, but I can't.  Because there's not.  At least not clear enough to see the light of day.

So, I've opted to trust instead.  I've been working with Archangel Jophiel, whom I plan on writing about soon, to help me overcome my trust issues.

When I can't see how something could come about now, I opt to surrender my trust over to the universe instead.  It isn't easy for me to trust, but if I don't, then I'll never come completely out of the darkness.

Again, this springtime there was romance and true love.  The person that I began to fall head-over-heels in love with was myself.

In addition to my morning hikes, I am now the full-time yogini that I always wanted to be.  I do vinyasa flow every single morning for an hour.  Mindfulness now plays a more active role in my life and I'm the better for it.

This means slowly sauntering back to the world of blogging, where I feel most at home.  I feel as though taking a break from blogging helped me to restore my soul.

I needed to get my routine down more.  I needed to set myself up for success, not just for survival.  Even though there's still a lot that I'm unclear about, I know clarity is on the way!  I know it is barreling toward me like the sun rays as they kiss my skin softly at noon.

My world is perfectly imperfect right now and I'm somehow okay with that.  I know that by the end of summer, my life will never be the same again and that I welcome it with open arms and a strong warrior pose.

The magic of spring is that it changed my life.  It helped me go within the cocoon with reflection and meditation.  When I emerged the butterfly, it was as though the sun, moon, and stars bowed down to me with grace.

Next up, summer by the pool with Everyday Laurali Star!  As one cycle closes, another one begins, and the leaves begin to shift and change in my life.  Thank you for sharing this year-long journey with me.
The seasons of life: A seasonal shift in my life for springtime, summertime, autumn, and the magic of the winter holidays

Seasons of Life: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift in a Year of My Life

  1. Summer Magic: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift in My Life
  2. Fall Magic: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift in My Life
  3. Winter Magic: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift in My Life

Hi, I'm Laurali! I write about moon magic and seasonal shifts and all things faery. about me


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