Everyday Laurali Star

Life As a Solitary Green Witch!

Laurali
Hi, I'm Laurali! I live in a tiny, seaside fishing village in Florida where I nurture my plants, go hiking in the woodland, and wear flowers in my hair.

The Secret, Hidden Places Within My Heart Space (Hidden in Plain Sight!)

An emerald green, heart-shaped leaf in the heart of a faery forest with enchanted woodland energy
 The secret, hidden places within my heart space are hidden in plain sight.  There's this space in my heart that's meant for manifesting my specific person, but more importantly, I carved a heart into the tree bark of my heart and let him in.  

It's been so long since I've written one of my secret, hidden places posts, but this morning, I felt compelled to draw upon my heart chakra to allow myself to be vulnerable and let the words fall where they may.  In my heart of hearts, I know who I am meant to be with.

It's funny that when you finally close your heart and you aren't looking anymore, that's when something unexpected happens in your love life.  You meet someone who kind of throws out all the notions of love that you had right out the window.  The person might differ from your expectations, but somehow like a puzzle piece they fit perfectly.

That's what has happened with me and my twin flame.  We're in the middle of a twin flame separation that has brought us both a lot of grief and pain, mainly because I don't think either of us were prepared to feel this way about each other.

There's this feeling of why do I feel so much for someone that I've never held hands with or never kissed?  Twin flame separation can bring about intense spiritual growth and learning experience.  It can also bring forth a lot of grief and loss, because the person you are meant to be with feels like a distant star, just out of reach.

How can you love someone so much that you've only begun to scratch the surface of?  How is that even possible?  I wish I could give you all the answers, but I'm in the heart of my twin flame journey right now, and I feel just as flummoxed as the rest of you.

A long, long time ago, in a land far away, I always knew I'd eventually write to include soul connections and romantic love into my writings.  My niece, who is one of my soulmates, had suggested me making a feature on love many years ago to call in my soulmate.

I had no idea the magic behind my words, the intensity in which these feelings would rush in until I actually met the guy that I know I'm meant to be with.  I've never met anyone who I actually wanted to stick around and be with.  

For so many years, it was if I were wearing an invisible sweater cloaked around me, wrapped tightly.  I wore it as a coping mechanism to protect myself from men that would hurt me.  I've had so many toxic and abusive relationships with men in the past, that I eventually quit dating or trying altogether.

The one time I did open myself up to be vulnerable again, when I went on a hiking date last December, I was left reeling again.  It was another situation of why do I even bother?  Why do I even try to let anyone in the first place?

I needed to give hiking guy a chance because he was the prequel to what I was really meant to have when it comes to love.  He was meant to show me that I needed to work on healing the karma from past relationships one more time.  More importantly, he turned out to be my false twin flame.  

Even though it hurt to be rejected at the time, something someone with Borderline Personality Disorder doesn't do well with, I needed to clear out that last bit of karmic relationship drama.  I needed to make room for my true twin flame and spiritual connection to come in.

What I didn't know at the time was that I had already met my twin flame and he had awakened a kundalini awakening within me.  You can read more about in, The Seasons of Life: Butterfly Life Cycles and Kundalini Awakening + Twin Flame Connections!

I knew that my twin flame liked me at the time, but I did everything I could at the time to keep him at arm's length.  I wasn't sure if he had ulterior motives and just wanted to sleep with me.  Somewhere along the way, I realized that I liked him too.  

That feeling in my heart space began to grow each and every time that I was around him.  The more I got to know him, the more that I knew that it wasn't enough.

There's this all-consuming passion when it comes to twin flames and soul mate connections.  There's usually an intense sexual attraction that you might try to fight at first, but it goes beyond that.  It goes deeper than the dark abyss of the ocean and straight to the heart of your heart space.  

It feels like I've done the homework on myself, but I haven't gotten my grade back yet.  I know that the twin flame union is just around the corner for me and him.  It's just a matter of giving someone space to live in their heart chakra balance too.

I'm on a different stage in my spiritual journey than him.  I have to give him room to breathe and grow as a person because all of this is shocking and new to him.  I truly don't think he ever expected to feel this way about me.

Being in my heart space means being understanding of the rapid transformation that has been triggered in meeting my twin flame partner.  He has definitely triggered feelings of rejection and abandonment within me when he ghosted me, but this is the first time, where I'm facing my fears head-on.

Normally, right about now, I would have run away just like he did when he ghosted me when we were supposed to come together and work things out.  This time I'm not running.  I want to stay put and face the triggers that have come up from meeting the person that I have an intense soul connection with.  

This is the first time where I feel like I actually want to work on myself and fix things with this person.  This is the first time I want to face the fact that I push people away when they get too close to me and that I can be self-sabotaging toward relationships.

I'm feeling a lot of spiritual growth and awakening happening within me and I can feel that he's going through a similar cycle, working through past childhood trauma and wounds.  When your heart is closed off for so long, feeling it open again also allows the hurt to run its course.  

That can't be easy for him, just like it hasn't been easy for me.  But, my heart remains open, waiting patiently for him to come back to me.  I'm in a spiritual place now where I'm following my heart and trusting my intuition.

In the beginning, I would obsessively do tarot readings, trying to figure out his feelings and where I stood with him.  I have recently surpassed that way of thinking.  I have overcome the challenge of a mental mind fuck.

I have been brought back to my truth, like a pure disco ball of lights, centered on what is real in my heart and mind.  For the longest time, I thought maybe I was having another BPD episode or that I was going crazy because I felt so much for him.

I don't feel that way anymore.  I've completely surrendered my twin flame experience over to the universe.  I am putting my trust in the divine to bring healing and reconciliation to this relationship.

I have done the work.  I have done the readings.  I know that in the garden walk of life that he will soon be making his way back to me to have a conversation.  That's what's hidden so secret in my heart.  

Like all secrets, the truth must come out.  Secrets must be revealed.  The truth about how we feel about one another can't remain hidden forever and like the high priestess card in the tarot deck, the truth is bubbling to the surface, ready to be expressed.

a love story in the forest with emerald green heart-shaped leaves and shadow lighting

The Secret, Hidden Places Within My Heart Space (Hidden in Plain Sight!)

So, what are the secret, hidden places in my heart space that are hidden in plain sight? The truth of the matter is that I fell for him somewhere along the way. I fell hard.

What started out as an intense sexual attraction, turned into so much more than that. I really care about this person. I pray for him as I go throughout my day and I care what happens to him.

Of course, it's more than that. There's a lot of love and passion there that can't be denied either, even though we haven't been able to act on it. I can't help but think he's the missing piece to the puzzle of my kundalini rising.

I wrote in a previous post about how I haven't been in a relationship in years and on how I haven't been intimate with a man in well over eight years. The truth is that I feel like maybe I've been saving myself for him.

I have a feeling there's going to be fireworks when we finally are able to come together in union. It's not just because of the intense chemistry between us that lingers in the air when we're near each other, but because I believe he will be the one to complete my kundalini awakening.

You can read more about the tower moments that I've had with this person and the twin flame reunion that's trying to take place in, Summer Love: A Journal of a Seasonal Shift In My Life! I really try to open up about my personal feelings and thoughts on relationships on my blog.

I realize now that he was trying so hard for months to grab my attention before our big tower moment at my old place. It wasn't that I didn't know that he wanted to sleep with me, I think he made that pretty clear, it was just that I had to make sure he was the one first.

At this point in my life, I'm not giving all of myself to someone unless that person is the one that I'm meant to be with. In fact, I would go so far to say that before this, I hadn't been meeting anyone that gave me butterflies in my stomach when they were near. Until I met my twin flame.

Meeting him changed everything. I want to be with him in every way. I want to give all of myself to him. Mind, body, soul, and heart.

I've finally met someone who I feel is worthy to give my body and heart too. This is something that I had wondered if it would ever even happen throughout the years. I had considered my sexual self to be dormant like a volcano ready to erupt.

Lately, that volcano has become active and it happened the moment that I met him. Meeting him awakened the kundalini snake within. After more than eight years of keeping my body to myself, this is a very big deal to me.

This means something! It's not purely physical either. He has reached a place in my heart space that no other man has been able to reach before.

I find myself wanting to open up to him and be vulnerable. I find myself wanting to share my secrets with him about everything. I have so many secrets that have laid dormant in my heart for so long, waiting for the right man to come along.

I find myself wanting to tell him all about my BPD and how it has impacted all the relationships in my life. I find myself wanting to tell the secret of how I haven't been with a man for the better part of a decade and that if there were commitment, I'd want him to be the one.

These are things that I've just begun to uncover about myself. In fact, even sharing such intimate secrets on my blog is very new to me. But, I feel it is all necessary for my spiritual growth.

Some things need to come into the light and that includes feelings and hidden passions. I feel like once we start talking again, I'm going to tell him everything that I never was able to tell him before because I kept my secret, hidden places under lock and key.

But, here's the thing: He holds the key to my heart. He holds that part of me that no one else does. I can't wait to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him and let him truly see the real me for the first time.

In the past, he's seen true glimpses of me. I've given him sneak peeks into my heart and my faery spirit, but I never was able to let down my guard because I had been hurt before. I wasn't sure I could trust him with my body, let alone my heart.

Now, I know that I can! I've begun to trust that what I'm feeling in my heart space is real and true. I've begun to let love in, a little at a time.

The secret, hidden places within my heart (hidden in plain sight!) are meant to be revealed to my true love. He knows who he is. He may even be reading this blog!

I already know my twin flame, but the truth is, I can never know him enough. Just like it took me a long time to warm up to him, I know that he is at a stage in his spiritual journey where his heart chakra needs to open up and let love in too.

This is something that can neither be forced nor denied. It's something that has to happen naturally, by taking the first step toward me. When he's ready, I am waiting. I feel like I could wait forever for him because he's someone worth waiting for.

More than anything, I'm ready to open my heart to him, which is something that I don't do lightly. My heart space is filled with a rush of emotion and love for him, even though I can't explain why. I think it's more of a soul recognition that admonishes his place in my heart and life.

Either way, I look forward to him coming to my door any day now, ready to have that conversation and reignite that spark that never really got the chance to take flight. I can feel his heart beating as he looks into my eyes and simply tells me how he feels about me.

I'm in a good place now. I'm in a secret, hidden place in my heart chakra, where I'm following my heart to this person. I wasn't ready before, but I'm ready now.

I've done the work on myself. I've achieved the golden heart sticker to acclaim my twin flame status. Maybe our hearts can come together as one now. Maybe our bodies too.

When it comes to him, I just know he's the one that I always think about, have prophetic dreams about, and the one I want to set me free. I can feel spirit smiling down at me and saying any day now and that's what I hold onto, deep in the recesses of my sacred heart space.

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